As every day goes in my house here lately, I have decided to try something new and improve myself, and have been cut down again. All my stepdad seems to see is me 'trying' to 'look' thin. No one except my Mom has actually seen my full workout routine, it's been working for me and has been making me feel better. Every time I seem to be making progress he is there to knock me down.
I try to remain positive and tell myself this isn't about him, it's about me and about knowing that this is about how I feel about myself. This has nothing to do with him, and I repeatedly tell him that it isn't about looking thin, it's about me being healthy. It has nothing to do with my weight, if anything I am only to gain, muscle is heavier than fat. I am toning my body and trying so hard to be good and eat right and healthy.
There are a few people who are supportive in my daily routines, but he isn't one of them. I don't like people watching me workout, thus the reason I don't have a gym membership. I feel self conscious as it is, and his added comments of me not really working out cause I don't 'break a sweat'. Just because I am not lifting 400lbs on the bench press, running 10 miles a day etc, etc. doesn't mean I am not working out.
I am doing more yoga than anything. I want to make myself healthy and balanced. Toning is a plus side of yoga that I like. I put on my music and just start going to it. Once I am done I usually am a little red in the face, but other than that I can go about my day with no issues. He doesn't see it that way.
I think it bugs me more, because I went through a point in my life where I wasn't eating healthy, let alone at all. I had a habit of not eating at all, and my Mom sees that coming around again. I am already down to 1 well balanced meal a day. I don't usually have time to do all 3, though I should make time, I usually end up forgetting. So when I am home to eat, Mom makes sure I do to keep from 'relapsing' so to speak. He was around to see me struggle with my weight, at that point trying to gain said weight.
I was 108 lbs when I met my boyfriend almost 9 years ago. I have been struggling with it since then. Up and down many times. The most I weighed was almost 170 lbs about 3 years ago now. I am now down to roughly 150 though I don't look it. I have body fat that I can and have been trying to get rid of.
I don't drink soda anymore, I don't eat a TON of sweets. I have some but not as much as I used to. I tend to snack more than eating a full meal. You should only have 1 large meal a day. And have 2 smaller meals a day. At least that's what I have been told and am trying to do myself.
I am drinking a ton of water a day, not enough to make me sick, but when I am thirsty I drink water not sweet tea or soda, etc. I drink that and 2% milk, every now and then a cup of coffee or a mug of hot chocolate.
As hard as I have been trying to do right by myself, I deal with the added stress of hearing the sneers and nasty remarks. I think I was just venting more than anything in this blog post.
Simple moment of the day so far?? We yes there has been one.
I visited my nephews like I do often. I was playing with my older nephew Jaden, and I said "okay, I need to leave". He looked at me with those gorgeous brown eyes that he now has and said, "Nope! Play wif me" He popped the 'p' and it was so cute I couldn't say no. I sat and played a while longer.
I smile and try to remember why I am doing what I am doing health wise and exercise why. I want to be around for a long time, and want to be a good example of being healthy and happy.
Til next time,
Remember the simple things.
